Transcendent Experiences
Dark nights of the soul
You could easily get the impression from certain evangelical TV programs that once you become a Christian all of your personal and financial problems disappear.
Of course, nothing could be farther from the truth.
On the other hand there is a pervasive type of autobiography in the Christian marketplace today that describes in great detail all of the gory and horrible things the Child of God did to mess up their lives, until Jesus miraculously steps in to save the day.
And that, too, is seldom how it happens.
The overwhelming majority of my writings focus on the good, blessed realizations and enlightenment we have access to as God's children. Frankly, I think most of our sin needs to be done in private, and our praise & joy needs to be displayed to the world. There is, after all, plenty enough darkness and suffering in this world.
But please have no mistaken impressions...As Led Zeppelin sings (I told you I'm a child of the 70s) "Upon us all a little rain must fall." And I have certainly known my share of darkness and pain. Both of my wives left me, one because she was having an affair, and the other because, after our daughter was involved in a car accident that resulted in a fatality, there was simply too much pain and stress to continue. Sickness, loss, anxiety, night terrors, you name it. Frankly the events leading to my name change were, indeed, the toughest time I had ever known. No one is immune.
But universally I have experienced resurrection. Easter Sunday 2001 was 2 days ago as I write this, and the Pastor at the Church where I play the organ did an honest, solid job of expounding on the historical basis for believing Jesus actually rose from the dead. I have written on this, and it is certainly one aspect of the Christian faith.
But over the years I have become most focused on Romans 5, 6 & 6 in the New Testament, where Paul says that if we have been united with Christ's death through our baptism, so too shall we be united with Him in His resurrection.
The thing is, this resurrection is not just once, or thousands of years from now, or at the end of time. No, resurrection happens daily. Sleep has been called the little death for many reasons, not least among them being the fact that the one and only thing you will never be able to change is what you did yesterday.
Through each and every dark night of the soul I have experienced, whether I caused it through my stupidity or not, I have found 2 common threads:
- God does not cause our suffering.
- He is nevertheless present, acting in our hearts to transform even the greatest pain into something wholesome. Pain is pain, and no one likes it. Death is death, and it is seldom fun. But contained in the ashes of our hopes and dreams lie the nutrients of new growth.
That is Easter, that is resurrection. I have lived it, touched it, felt resurrection physically course through my body. Again, we have theme #1, that religion is not just something to believe, but to be experienced and lived.
While I focus nearly exclusively on the good, when one of my turbulent periods contains particularly valuable lessons, I have written about them. There are really only 2: When I was threatened and excommunicated by a certifiably psychotic pastor, and Dare the Devil.
Dare the Devil is certainly the most disturbing and controversial writing contained in The Church of Yahweh. I have been advised more than once to remove it. When I first wrote it in October 2000 I posted it as a novel, though few who have read it were fooled. The only less than 100% true word in the whole thing is, in fact, the word "novel." Even the apparent pseudonym Sam was, in fact, what many of my friends in California called me, since I was officially the 4th Mark in the small group I associated with.
I wrote Dare the Devil, and do not plan to remove it from this site, because of precisely the reasons I mention in its opening chapter:
 | Your children are going through more than you think they are. Somehow most parents become brain-dead once they leave puberty and become parents themselves. But don't you remember the angst, the aloneness, the awkwardness of your youth? The fear? And yet, in survey after survey, what is the overwhelming thing teens want from their parents? Money, a car, more freedom? Nope, none of it. The #1 thing the majority of today's teens want from their parents is for their parents to be more involved in their lives. To spend time with them. To care about them. I'm certainly no saint, but both of my kids, now adults, consider me to be among their best friends. I learned from my own experiences. |
| There are, indeed, things in heaven & earth not dreamt of in your philosophy. Millions of "good Christian parents" have no problem with their children reading hundreds of pages of a certain popular children's series, full of sorcery, witchcraft & magical powers. Fortune telling, psychedelic drugs, psychic readings, even the horoscope of the day have infiltrated themselves so pervasively in today's society that most have no awareness of the danger they present. In Dare the Devil I share my testimony. You can, and will, take it or leave it. |
I mention Dare the Devil in this context for 2 reasons. First, there I recount all the significant events to occur during the 18 months following giving my life to Jesus. In this odd semi-autobiography the true story told there happens next in the chronology.
And, finally, Dare the Devil is the most extended (and only substantive) relaying of one of my dark journeys into hell. It is, ultimately, a story that leads to a very slow resurrection...
When I met a friend named Dennis...who took me to meet the strangest creature I have ever encountered, a man named Dan, who would become my Rabbi, guru, priest, teacher, friend...who would anoint my head with oil 20 years later as his successor to carry on his ministry...who shared with me the single greatest gift I have ever received...
The revelation of God's Holy Name.
