Transcendent Experiences
YHWH's Name Becomes the consummate prayer
Consummate - complete or perfect in every way; supreme.
I realize in preparing my notes for this chapter that no one on this earth, with the singular exception of Dan, really has any idea of who I am. So many of the key elements and events of my life I have simply never discussed with anyone. For these are such out-of-the-way experiences that sharing them with even my closest friends has not been possible. Language, as I have said elsewhere, ultimately rests on a matrix of shared experiences. And if only one of you has had a particular experience, especially if that defies analogy ("Oh, it was just like..."), then there's really not much to talk about.
I would learn later that nearly all of the mystics through history eventually enter the realm of the ineffable.
Ineffable - (1) too overwhelming to be expressed or described in words; inexpressible (2) too awesome or sacred to be spoken
The first thing I did after Dan's little talk was go to a hobby shop & buy some beads, which I assembled into the necklace pictured here. And yup, that's the original one. Exactly 100 beads. You see, that's the reason for a Rosary and the like; not that the object is worshipped, but so that the faithful can focus on their meditation without worrying about things like counting. After every recitation, your thumb just grabs the next bead. When you get to the "big bead" you know you have done one cycle, usually 100. And, interestingly, this tradition (or variations on it) can be found widely throughout the world's cultures.
And I started on the experiment. 100 times in the morning, 100 times at night.
Nothing. Zero. And I felt so stupid.
In the 2nd month (June 77) I added 100 every morning and night.
Nothing. Zero. And I felt so stupid.
Around the third month I started to get into the rhythm of the thing. Oh, I wasn't seeing angels dance on the stars, or anything like it. But I began to look forward to the time of meditation. Just to quiet my mind, and put all things earthly and mortal out of my consciousness. And the methodical repetition of the Sacred Name was starting to become just right in SO many ways:
 |
I could go fast or slow. |
|
Out loud or silently. |
|
With different rhythms...Being a musician this part came naturally to me. And there was an amazing variety of pulses: |
Ah- ni Yod He Vaaaav He......
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
Ah......... ni.........Yod He Vav He
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
Ani...... Yod He Vaaaav He......
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
Ah- ni Yod He Vav He
1 2 3 4 5 6
Ani Yod He Vav He
1 2 3 4 5
You get the idea.
|
Sometimes as its own rhythm, sometimes in synchronicity with my heartbeat, sometimes in time with my breathing |
|
And I did the requisite Bible studies...digging into the Scriptures to see what this Name was, if Dan have given accurate information, some of the history of the Tetragrammaton. And just what did "I Am That I Am" mean? (I was not to learn the linguistic facts of "I Will Be" until the mid 90's.) You will find the results of these meditations in the oldest writing present here, God is Not God's Name. |
|
Often with my eyes closed, sometimes with them open, looking at a copy of The Name written on a parchment Dan had given me. |
|
And once I really internalized the 4 letters, representing the head, arms, torso and legs, I would then sometimes picture each of those parts of my body glowing as I said each of the letters. |
What I came to realize was that I was attuning myself to the "vibration" of YHWH's Name. This is actually a very common practice in the human race; we only find it odd when people do it with religious objects. A football fan, for example, will follow the draft, pre-season training & games, read all about the teams, and go through all types of simple or elaborate rituals for each game. He is getting pumped, getting psyched for the game. He is, in fact, putting all thoughts of everything else out of his mind, and getting his entire psyche to "vibrate" with the football thing.
Funny how that's so cool, but sacrilizing (making sacred) the process is considered weird. Ah, humanity.
I have written more about this phenomenon, and chanting as a whole, here.
During this time I also read a book on the Sacred nature of prayer. It had much to say, but what I focused on was its presentation about the 5 phases or aspects of prayer, which it portrayed as a living dialogue with God.
-
Repentance, where we seek forgiveness and cleansing
-
YHWH pronounces and grants that forgiveness, washing us in His grace.
-
We speak to YHWH, making our requests and petitions known to Him.
-
He speaks to us, with a word of inspiration or reassurance.
-
The petitioner and God become joined in an expression of their renewed love.
I have been amazed over the years at how solid this structure of 5 phases really is. From worship services to personal prayer to how people relate to one another (a child, for instance, having done something naughty, goes through each of these 5 stages in reconciling with the parent) it is the unspoken backbone of our most important activities.
Well, during the 5th month I began to dedicate each of the cycles (100 repetitions) to one of these phases of prayer.
-
"Ani Yhwh" during phase 1 meant "Hey, God, I'm sorry for having been such a jerk. Please clean me and set me on Your path again."
-
During phase 2 I would listen to Yhwh say, "Ani Yhwh", wherein He was washing me & declaring me Holy and perfect in His sight. Forgiven, new.
-
In phase 3 (petition) I wanted 2 things. First, "Ani Yhwh" meant I wanted God. Calling to Him, like a lost child calling for Mommy. Beyond money, health, sex, anything, in my sacred time of meditation my one and only request was for Yhwh. Second, "Ani Yhwh" was what I sought, to be transformed from a fallen, mortal human, being renewed with my mind, letting the inner man made in the image of Christ to grow and blossom into full maturity within me.
-
In phase 4 I would shut-up, and just listen to Yhwh proclaim His Presence. "I AM YHWH" He would remind me over & over, declaring His sovereignty, pronouncing the promise of His forever abiding presence. Forever God...Always God...only God...
-
And I realized Yhwh was saying this through my mouth, in my soul. "The petitioner and God become joined in an expression of their renewed love." Yes, the proclamation and promise was "I AM YHWH", yet this was happening through my vehicle (body/soul) ..."I", whatever that meant, the little Mark Lee Huppert so full of self and ego and sin and silliness was simply....gone...No thought of me, myself or I...As I listened to Yhwh proclaim "I AM" through me, the "radio transmitter" that I was became utterly transparent in the presence of this all-consuming transmission of love.
Lover and beloved one in love. He-who-prays and He-who-answers one in prayer.
Ineffable.
"I" literally became lost in the Ocean of love. The one and only reality was God...The positive "sending" pole of the battery was Yhwh, and the negative "receiving" pole of the battery was me...But the only real, actual essence was the current.
The experience was so overwhelming that I really could not function for quite some time afterwards. I simply couldn't jump up and run to catch a bus or go brush my teeth like nothing had happened. And honestly I don't think I got even halfway through month 5 before I had to quit.
You see there was yet another aspect of this meditation. I came to call it "Dropping the veils".
- "Ani Yod-He-Vav-He." Representing pure spirit, plus mind (Y)/desire (H)/ life (V) / body (H). The prayer of repentance. "Repentance, where we seek forgiveness and cleansing."
- "Ani Yod-He-Vav." Dropping the physical body, in the realm of the New Life. The receiving of Yhwh's forgiveness. "YHWH pronounces and grants that forgiveness, washing us in His grace."
- "Ani Yod-He." In the realm of pure desire, where we only want Him. The prayer of supplication. "We speak to YHWH, making our requests and petitions known to Him."
- "Ani Yod." Realm of mind, where we hear His voice proclaiming "I Am." The prayer of Yhwh's proclamation. "He speaks to us, with a word of inspiration or reassurance."
- "Ani." The "I". The eternal One. The Self-Existent one. God. Pure love. God is love. "The petitioner and God become joined in an expression of their renewed love."
And then it hit me...oh my dear God....These were exactly the steps Dan had recounted in our first meeting!!! Ascending through the world, through the astral / heavenly world to the world of pure mind, and will, into the Eternally Existent I Am.
I had to stop chanting. I put the beads down. I had worked this path for barely 5 months, and I was simply overwhelmed by the experience of disappearing into Yhwh, and the realization of the harmony this had, in undeniable and unmistaken ways, with what I had considered to be pure silliness.
There was nothing I was aware of then, nor is there now, that made me want to conform to Dan's "stupid and ridiculous" message. Yet here I was, in the safety of my own room, on very solid Christian, Biblical grounds of prayer, experiencing through this simple exercise exactly what Dan had said would happen.
I had to stop chanting. I could not go on. I could barely function. Fortunately it was my "job" as a religion student to sit around and meditate on God and the Bible and the universe and all, but still....no one gives you a handbook on "How to be a mystic in 5 easy months or less." Yet it certainly appeared that this was my new reality.
So I quit chanting. Or, more properly, I tried to. I needed to back off from this whole thing and examine it a while, to gain perspective. This, I would later learn through my book studies, was a common theme with ineffable experiences: those who had even a single experience would often spend their entire lives examining that one event.
But folks this was different. This was an organic extension of myself, with a very simple technique I could repeat at will.
And over time the technique would become unnecessary. With time the Transcendent, Phase 5 Prayer that I found so incapacitating would become the ground of being that I have constant access to, as simply as deciding to blink.
And we hadn't even gotten started yet.
